Sparrows Over Birmingham

Surprisingly enough, I recently grew a pair and got my first tattoo.  Just so you know, I am not one of those people who believe in getting tattoos for the sole purpose of “decoration”.  If something is permanently going on my body, it’s going to mean something.

About four or five months ago, I was on iTunes searching for new music to download.  I came across a song by Christina Aguilera that was beautiful… I couldn’t tell you the name of it right now (I get distracted easily and forgot to download it), but the lyrics were about “spreading your wings”.  Immediately after hearing the chorus, an image of my tattoo popped into my head.  I spent those few months drawing, erasing, re-drawing, and researching until I was perfectly happy with my idea.  Three days ago, my boyfriend, my dad, and I went to USA Tattoo in Colonial Heights to get it.  I was so nervous I thought I was going to be sick!  I have a pretty high pain tolerance, but I am absolutely horrified of needles… so bad that I pass out in the doctor’s office when they even mention sticking me with one.  But I put my big girl panties on and climbed onto the chair after the tattoo artist put the stencil on me.  While he was prepping everything, I asked him how bad it would hurt on a scale of 1 – 10… he told me a 13.

Two hours into the tattoo, we got to a point to where we could stop and take a smoke break.  I was SO surprised at how almost painless it actually was.  When we stepped outside, I told him, “You lied to me! It isn’t a thirteen.”  He asked me what it was, and when I answered that it was about a five, he said “Good, I did my job.” 

Well, after the break it wasn’t exactly a five anymore.  He went back over the outline to make it “pop” and started the shading—I bet there is a permanent hand print on the chair where I was squeezing so hard.  It definitely ended up being a thirteen, but it is completely worth it. :)

Alis Grave Nil is Latin for “Nothing is heavy to those who have wings”, and the sparrow represents freedom, loyalty, and safety.  This tattoo is a celebration, you could say, for graduation and is a constant reminder that there is nothing I cannot accomplish as long as I don’t bind myself down.  I am so overjoyed at how well it turned out, and I will definitely be sticking to this artist for my future work!

What is the meaning behind your tattoo(s)?

Song:  Sparrows Over Birmingham by Josh Rouse

My Life’s Been A Country Song.

I decided to start blogging for a couple of reasons—the main one being that I need to rant about things that aren’t quite appropriate for Facebook and people that actually know me.  The other reasons are to advertise my business (I design and make handbags & other things) and to follow other blogs that I am interested in.

You’re probably wondering who I am and what I’m all about, right? Well for starters, my name is Emily, I’m eighteen years young and I just recently graduated from high school (woopwoop!).  I’m attending community college in the Fall to receive my Associates in Business Management, and after that I will be attending a cosmetology school in Virginia Beach.  I feel like I’m the last, or very few of a dying breed… I am a very genuine person who doesn’t care only about myself.  Even if I don’t necessarily like you, I CARE about you.  However… I am not two-faced.  If you get on my nerves from time to time, you’ll know it.  If you’re my worst enemy (you’ll hear about her in a minute), you’ll know it.  If I love you and value you, you’ll DEFINITELY know it.

I have diabetes, Attention Deficit Disorder, I am lactose intolerant, my parents are going through a nasty divorce, and I lost my dear Grandmother a couple months ago, along with a good friend of mine a little over two years ago.  & you know what? I say all of this PROUDLY, because I am a very healthy, lucky young woman.  I wake up everyday with the ability to breathe, get out of bed, and do as I please without anyone else’s help.  My parents may not be together, but they both love me and support with anything I do.  I miss my Grandma and friend more than I can describe, but I know they’re in my heart at all times and each day just brings me one step closer to seeing them again.  I have very few (good) friends, but the ones I do have are true to me and are there whenever I need them.

Oh, and I have a truly amazing boyfriend that also happens to be my best friend <3 We’ve been together for almost two years now, and I can’t imagine life without him.

With that being said, I haven’t taken my Adderall in over a month, so I’ll finish bragging about my life later (for those who don’t know, Adderall is medication used to help ADD).

On to my current situation… a VERY fucked up situation about my ex-best friend.  For a little bit of background information, this girl and I have been best friends since the sixth grade.  We were inseparable until the summer before our freshman year… we had a disagreement (as most long-term friends do) and didn’t speak for a couple of months.  However, I have never done anything but be a true friend to her, even through hard times such as that one.  I have always been there for her through giggles, smiles, and tears no matter what.  I can honestly say I loved her (in a none romantic way, for the gutter-minded).  I still do, I just hate the bitch at the same time.  SO MUCH.

For the past couple of years, this sweet, innocent girl started getting attitude problems out of NO WHERE.  It seriously felt like I had a friendship with Dr. Jackal & Mr. Hide.  I would just be talking to her about something and she would snap my head off.  Of course, being the dumb, caring friend that I am, I shrugged it off and acted like it never happened.  I always told myself, “Maybe she’s just having a bad day.” YOU DON’T HAVE A BAD DAY EVERYDAY.  Well, I know that now.  Throughout our senior year, this got worse and worse until we didn’t even talk much.  We still considered each other best friends, but didn’t talk.

We were going through one of our no-talking spells when I got some terrible news on a Friday morning last month.  Her boyfriend had died in a car accident during the night and didn’t make it.  Me, being Ms. Super Friend, texted and called her on the way to school that morning but didn’t get an answer.  I figured she didn’t feel like talking to anyone, so I left her alone.  I was so shocked when I arrived at school (I was friends with him, as well).  Another friend and I sat in the parking lot for half of first period smoking a cigarette and reminiscing.  At this point, I decided that I was going to put all of the bad things she had done behind us and be the friend that she needed, since she hadn’t screwed me over that bad… yet.  I texted her again before walking into school, reminding her of how much I loved her and that I was going to stick by her side through all of this.  I told her to let me know when she was up for company so I could come console her and bring her her favorite McFlurry.  I went over to her house that night after she answered and stayed for hours.

I kept my promise and stuck by her side until I started remembering past conversations.  She talked pure shit about her boyfriend every single day, constantly bitching about how she didn’t even want to be with him.  Just to let you know, he was SO sweet to her… he worshipped the ground she walked on and loved her for all he had.  It was quite depressing, actually.  But anyway… her response to me asking her why she was still with him was always, “I need a date for prom.  I’m breaking up with him after that.”  He died about a week before prom.

Now, she posts on his Wall every day almost saying how much she loves and misses him.  Here’s one:

They go on and on about how it was “true love” and the would have been together forever.  She has really shown her true colors—she’s nothing but an attention seeking whore.  Not one week after he died, she was partying and all over another guy that her boyfriend hated.  It’s all a show for sympathy, and I’m not buying.

I hope I don’t come off as heartless, because I’m really not.  I understand that if you lose someone you’re going to be upset.  BUT… don’t put on a FAKE show just for attention.  This gets under my skin so bad.

Now, for a more personal knife that she shoved into my back… everyone knows that after graduation, the seniors book a condo and party in Myrtle Beach for a week.  Me and her were planning our beach week long before graduation, like during first semester.  Everything was fine and dandy until I didn’t hear anything else about it for a month or two.  One day at lunch, myself, her, another friend of ours, and the guy she was all over after her boyfriend’s death, were eating outside at the picnic tables.  She mentioned finding a house to the other girl right in front of me.  I was confused, of course, and asked what the deal was about what we were doing.  She tried to change the subject and beat around the bush until I finally snapped… I asked if I was going or not, and she bluntly said no.  She never gave me a reason why I had been ditched, and because I didn’t find out until last minute, I didn’t get the chance to go to my own beach week.

This kind of thing really distances me from other people.  You put your all into a friendship or relationship, and what do you get out of it?  A knife in the back for no apparent reason.

What’s the worst thing a “best friend” has done to you?  How did you cope with it?

Song: My Life’s Been A Country Song by Chris Cagle